82 pairs of underwear.

a couple months ago, my mom purchased multiple copies of a book she had read. this is a normal thing for her. i never make it home without adding some form of self-improvement, business, or spirituality book to my suitcase. usually, my siblings and i roll our eyes. yes mom, another book that touched you in some way. yes mom, we promise to read it. no mom, we never read it.

this time i actual did read it. and this time it actually touched me too.

more or less. by jeff shinabarger.

the book takes a step back from our lives full of abundance and asks the question, what is actually enough? enough time. enough money. enough clothing. enough friends. enough love. what is our own personal definition of enough?

i returned home to portland on july 1 after being on the road for seven months. i returned home to my old house. it is not my house anymore, but it is for the next two months. luckily, my old roomie is in india all summer so i subletted his room. it is in the basement next to all my stuff. a whole corner filled with boxes and bags full of my stuff. stuff that has sat there for seven months without being touched.

what is enough?

i decided to take my moment of location stability to evaluate this question and simplify the crazy amount of stuff sitting before me in the basement. daunting me with its presence.

there is always an easy place to start with me when it comes to abundance…the closet. when i originally packed up my chevy cavalier and drove across the country, from michigan to oregon, most of the car was filled with my clothing.

so that is where this journey is going to begin. right in the middle of the biggest pile of clothes i have ever seen in my life.

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i know. it is embarrassing. it is crazy how things accumulate without you realizing it. most of these clothes have been in my closet for years! some even since high school! yikes.

but, unfortunately or fortunately, i am a sentimentalist. give me the smallest material thing, and i will attach the biggest meaning to it possible. clothing falls directly into this category. ohhh, not that t-shirt from college. ohhh, don’t get rid of that beautiful blue dress i wore once on valentine’s day five years ago. you know exactly what i am talking about, and if you don’t, please teach me your ways.

in order to get some accountability and put some startling numbers on paper. i decided to count everything. step one…sort.

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tonight i took the first steps towards emptying some of this mess of fabric and memories, and began the count. i only conquered tops and underwear before i was completely drained. please be loving with your harsh judgments…

sweaters: 37
cardigans: 7
long sleeve: 23
dressy long sleeve: 27
short sleeve: 21
nice t-shirts: 19
t-shirts: 58
tanktops: 26
workout tops: 19
hoodies: 18
underwear: 82

that is 255 tops. 255 TOPS! holy shit. how do i have 255 tops? this number is actually low too because i am sure there are currently 10 more in my laundry basket. and 82 PAIRS OF UNDERWEAR! what! although, it is amazing to think that i could go almost three months without doing laundry and still wear clean underwear everyday. i blame this number on the fact that i get a “free panty” gift card in the mail from victoria’s secret every month. yes, i am already passing blame elsewhere. deal with it.

i put on this week’s episode of so you think you can dance and attempted to lose my emotional attachment. get real. what tops have you actually worn in the past year. what tops have you never worn? (oh yes, there were a couple with tags.)

i thought i was totally ready to be ruthless with my wardrobe. and yet, in my first attempt i only added the following to the giveaway pile:

sweaters: 11
cardigans: 1
long sleeve: 9
dressy long sleeve: 10
short sleeve: 7
nice t-shirts: 7
t-shirts: 30
tanktops: 7
workout tops: 4
hoodies: 7
underwear: 12

93 tops. 255-93=162. I STILL HAVE 162 TOPS! what the heck? i am going to need some assistance in this task i think. please share your advice and encouragement and harassment. i will benefit from it all. despite only getting rid of about 1/3 of my tops, i did feel like i made some big breakthroughs tonight, including parting ways with this never-been-worn t-shirt:

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i am sure jewel will understand what i’m trying to do here.

next, onto bottoms. wish me luck…

 

wds day one: finding a dream

when you attend something called the world domination summit (wds), you have a certain amount of expectation that comes along with purchasing your ticket. it’s a pretty lofty claim. domination of the entire world? and yet, when you are sitting in a theater with 3,000 individuals who share in this goal, it seems…possible.

it was december 2010, and i was grabbing tea with cathy brown like we always do. catching up on our wild daydreaming and argentine adventures. she mentioned a book i should read. the art of non-conformity by chris guillebeau. i read it quickly. i was inspired. highlighted it to pieces as i do. immediately understood why she told me to read it. i began promoting the book to others completely forgetting the name of the author. i tend to do that. titles stick. authors don’t always.

it was probably may 2012 (completely arbitrary date), and i stumbled upon the facebook page for the book, and of course, clicked that “like” button with ease. the positive, pro-adventure, crafting-your-own-life posts starting popping up in my newsfeed. a daily head nod of agreement and the occasional sharing took place.

it was january 2013, and i was sitting in brian’s abuelos house in puerto rico. instead of enjoying the hammocks with two of the biggest dreamers i know, i was catching up on the computer. trying to keep the balance up between work and play. i saw a post on the art of non-conformity facebook page about something called the world domination summit happening in portland in july. it was in its third year, and chris guillebeau was the man behind it all. i googled his name because clearly i had no clue who he was. and lo and behold, he was the man who wrote the book.

long story short. i debated on spending the $500 on a ticket, consulted with a couple friends who had attended in the past, and in the end, in a spur the moment decision before tickets sold out, i did it.

it was july 2013, and i walked into a theater filled with 3,000 people ready to have their world rocked. 3,000 people all sitting down next to strangers and after brief introductions, immediately diving into their dreams. their dreams!

i am pretty self-aware and know my passions. i know where i am and what fuels that. but a big picture end of the road dream? a concrete item that i could tell these strangers when they looked me straight in the eyes and said, so what is your dream? sure, i could give them the vague answer involving some combination of underprivileged youth, art, movement, outdoor education, and storytelling, but it didn’t seem like enough.

(enough. that word keeps popping up in my life. what is enough? more soon.)

so the conversation with one fellow attendee, a frenchman who lives in seattle and does marketing for amazon.com, went something like this:

him: so what do you do here in portland?
me: i have me own media business (hand him new business card). i work with small businesses and non-profits on graphic design, online marketing, social media, websites, etc.
him: awesome. so you’re location independent.
me: (take a silent minute to figure out what that means) yes. i can work from anywhere.
him: so why are you here if you’ve already figured out how to live the dream?
me: that’s my for now dream, not my forever dream.
him: ah. so what breakout session did you go to this afternoon?
me: the one on overcoming fear.
him: how was it?
me: meh. i didn’t get too much out of it.
him: you don’t seem too fearful. why did you choose that one?
me: i don’t know. i feel fearful, but once i was in that room with 250 other people feeling fearful, i realized that i already practice a lot of the ways the speakers were teaching to overcome fear. i think i was actually able to share a lot of helpful thoughts with others in my small group.
him: hm. so what is your forever dream?

end scene.

it’s a big question to answer in a rush, but i wanted to do it. so i did. i said it out loud. heck i even said it on camera today for a website called pilot fire.

i want to start an alternative school for underprivileged youth focused on hands-on learning with emphasis in the arts, outdoor education, and foreign languages/cultures.

start is a relative word. thinking about it now, i would like to advocate for these kind of learning environments. if that leads to my own school, okay then. i just want to help bring our education system out of the factory mentality and into creative exploration.

it feels good to roll that around in my brain. to say an end goal and feel excited by that idea. and yet, it’s not news to me. actually, i am describing the kind of school i attended as a child. a school that shaped who i am. a school that sadly had to close its doors in 2011 after 98 years of “education the whole child.” and actually, my eighth grade teacher, mr. mikulak, predicted this goal too…twelve years ago.

he has known me since i was born. (my grandma and mom both worked at the school.) and as tradition had it, the day before graduation, all the eighth graders sat on stage at a school assembly while mr. mikulak read the ten-year predictions he had handcrafted for each of us.

sara schneider. well, she will be right back where she started, running the early education department here at chicago junior school.

our dreams run deep.

our ability to recognize them depends on the time we take to cultivate our listening. listening to ourselves and others. taking time to ask the simple questions that always have such complex answers.

the opening speaker at wds on saturday was a woman named nancy duarte. she is a communication junkie, and her analysis of speech and storytelling was fascinating. she developed a shape and theory that all the amazing speakers of the world seem to follow. martin luther king, jr. steve jobs. jesus. evita perón. it looks like this:

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nancy broke down each of these four leaders’ speeches line by line and matched the sections up with the highs and lows of her shape. it was poetry. concrete poetry, where the lines form a shape. what is. what could be.

what is?
what could be?

the closing speaker at wds on saturday was a man named chase jarvis. he is a photographer, and instead of showing us his images like usual, he spoke on creativity. the importance of creativity in molding future geniuses. the ones who will solve world problems. come up with the solutions no one has thought about yet. he compared our need for cultivating creativity to the already-advocated need for literacy.

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chris looked at our flawed education system, and it’s removal of things that teach our youth to be problem solvers. to tap into that creativity we have as children that is beaten out of us as we march through the societal schooling norms.

i wanted to run up on stage and tell him my dream. i didn’t. although i am sure it would have been applauded with this audience. “the power of dreams compel you” might have erupted from the crowd. a crowd filled with people on their own journeys to find their dreams or maybe re-find their dreams like me.

throughout the whole day, a few friends and family members kept popping into my brain that i wanted to be in that room with me. as i walked out of that theater, i had to remind those people just how amazing they are.

to those people:
thank you for the creativity you bring to this world. i am inspired to know you and just wanted to tell you that.

today, one of the speakers (darren rowse) had a special guest singer come up and share a song. the lyrics might resonant. spark a vibration in you. cause a dream.

p.s. there were way more cool speakers and such at wds on saturday. this is just a rambling sample.